Sunday, June 7, 2009

Writing Assignment 6

Two posts in one weekend? What IS going on? You'd think I had no children. Feel free to scroll down if you missed this weekend's post #1.

So, this week's (actually given 3 weeks ago...oops) assignment was mixed veggies (again, thanks A LOT, Jon. I'm practically giddy with anticipation for the next topic).

I was stumped. Beyond stumped, really. So here's what I came up with. It ended up being more of an exercise in brainstorming for ideas than a writing skills practice. Here goes nuthin:

Most of us have them, those five or six or twenty cans of mixed vegetables staring at us each and every time we open the pantry in search of an easy side dish. We buy them because they’re cheap (for a reason), knowing full well that they’ll never see the light of day once we get them home and place them on the shelf. When it’s time to make dinner, we inevitably pass over them like the poor fat kid we’d never pick for our dodge ball team in the third grade.

For those of us finally ready to free up some cupboard space and make room for edible food, the following is a list of the top ten alternative uses for those nasty little bits of jumbled up produce:

1. Who needs ipecac? Use them to induce vomiting in a child who’s ingested a toxic substance.
2. Sprinkle them evenly around the perimeter of your home and you’ve got cheap pest control.

3. Keep nothing but those mixed veggies in your kitchen and you’ll lose those extra pounds in no time, since you’ll completely lose your desire to eat.

4. Give the kids a fun craft project. Find some thread and a needle and transform those mixed gems into some lovely Christmas tree garland.

5. Dry them out and make jewelry.

6. Rice at weddings has been so overdone. Throw the veggies instead.

7. Buy a goat. They’ll eat anything.

8. Forget spanking. Consider the forced consumption of mixed veggies as an effective method of child discipline.

9. Put them in fruitcakes to give away during the holidays. Sure, it’s gross, but let’s get real. It’s fruitcake. Your friends and family will never eat it anyway.

10. Make soup for people you hate.

If none of these seem like viable options, you may need to resort to more extreme measures, such as cooking and eating your mixed veggies. But I wouldn’t recommend it.


Kristi Smith said...

LOL! Can you believe I don't have a single can of mixed vegetables? I only by the SteamFresh bags of veggies. My family won't eat canned vegetables except for green beans. I can use corn but only if I put it in something like my Taco Soup. And I don't hate the people that I make that for! :)

Deb said...

Very funny. I don't buy them canned, but frozen. I, then, torture my kids by putting them in their ramen. A two-fold mission, really. It gives them added veggies And cools their noodles, simultaneously. That is, when they don't pick them out first.

Erin (and sometimes The Todd) said...

I really like the idea of the mixed vegetbles as a threat. Those creepily cubed, never-seen-in-nature displays would effectively terrorize the twins for at minutes.

Clever, clever girl! How I adore you!