For those of you used to the sarcasm and unmatched wit that oozes from most of my blog posts, prepare yourselves to be...well...bored possibly. I got the phone call from my attorney's office today letting me know that the judge has signed my divorce decree and I am officially an unmarried woman. As you can imagine, as much as I know this is the right thing for my emotional health and well-being, I had mixed emotions when I took that call. Today I literally stumbled upon an excerpt of someone's written thoughts about marriage and divorce. These very much reflected how I feel about my situation. I found them to be very profound. They express better than I could how I feel about things, so I thought I'd share them on the blog.
LETTING GO OF THE LIFE WE HAVE PLANNED IN ORDER TO ACCEPT THE LIFE WE HAVE WAITING FOR US
"When you meet someone and fall in love it feels sort of like fate, that it was "meant to be"-- as though the planets aligned in a sure sign giving us a feeling of confidence and almost euphoria that everything is right and in order and in harmony. Things are settled; our future path seems clear- we have a definite plan with definite goals and a definite way of achieving them. No more anixety about how will it turn out, wondering whether we'll get what we want, or whether we'll have a date for Valentine's Day. So. . . . . .when things turn out so differently we're hurt and disappointed; it shakes us to the core. How could something which seemed so much like it was "meant to be" turn out "not to be?" How can the clear path suddenly be jackhammered away into a pile of rubble? The demise of our dream of how "it's supposed to be" is so hard; we want to cling to it with every last fiber of our being and it becomes almost unbearably painful to give it up. Giving it up also means re-entering the realm where there are no sure signs of how it's supposed to be, returning to an uncertain future where we're not sure what's going to happen, no definite plans or goals or ways of achieving them. No idea of where we'll be or who (if anyone) we'll be celebrating with on our birthdays or Valentine's Day.
But something richer-- even if less "secure" and "certain" --awaits: the experience of living the unanticipated life. The twists, the turns, the roundabouts, the knots, the thorns, *and* the unimagined joy all are part of the journey. There is something comfortable about the peaceful life, but there is something exciting and interesting about the life that leads us down the unexpected path. We don't know what's around the next corner; heck, we don't know who's around the next corner. It's like visiting Europe- not as safe and familiar as your own neighborhood, but not experiencing it would be foregoing an amazing experience. I believe it's the same with relationships. Our former spouses, for better or worse, were in some respects safe and familiar even if they often annoyed us. But if we'd stayed with them we'd never have a shot at experiencing the remarkable friends (and lovers) who will come into our lives in the future."
Sidebar: Do you love those faces OR WHAT??? Credit to my cute friend Polly for the photos. She does amazing work.